The phrase 'brilliant idea' is overused a lot these days, usually by a Chinese looking person with a strong Glaswegian accent on dragons den, while they struggle to describe the benefit of wearing a glove that doubles up as wine press. And as they begin to fall to pieces at the sight of what's up Deborah skirt (Theo's hand?) they feel I assume much like the person who invented the slotted spoon felt when he/she was pitching their idea. "Errmmm well, yeah, it's a sort of spoon, but errm with holes in".
However some of these inventions are useful; the JML halogen oven, the JML Paint runner, the JML ped-egg (an egg for removing dead skin I believe) for instance, all useful inventions available from all good woolworthseses. However the potato ricer, is at the opposite end of the spectrum, a completely pointless, useless and impractical money making, Idea, it basically mashes potatoes, but in ultra small small amounts, so by the time you've riced your last bit of king Edward the first bits cold. And I imagine they're a ball ache to wash up (even with fairy). Unless your names Jamie, Gordon or Hugh-Fearnley you really shouldn't own one, let alone contemplate buying. Save your pennies and buy a shoe horn instead.
It seems strange that we are worshipping potato ricers, and dead skin eggs, as technology, when arguably the greatest invention ever seen is lying dormant and unused in some museum. The Concorde, was a complete miracle, for a start it was built by us and the French, and usually anything built in this country was about as reliable as getting Jimmy Saville to babysit. The Austin Allegro for example, or Rovers. And the French only really do fine delicate things, such as wine, cheese and underwear. But the two combined on this project really worked, when you think about it, the frechies managed the technical stuff and we did the big, gritty parts, because wings are easy to knock up in between striking and complaining a out the wether. The Concorde really was an amazing plane, I could be in America and back in time for breakfast, if it was still in action (possibly in a screaming fireball, but still...) and ok it had its downfalls, as all new ideas had, but too scrap it so hastily, well it's a massive waste. And, it also makes the last piece of genuine British design and ingenuity look crap, and it wasn't. Although the Airbus can hold more people, and is more spacious, it's not as quick and therefore like anything built since, has been a step back. Bring back the Concorde I say.
Rant over, I'm hoping my next blog will be funnier, it's going to be about my hatred for swimming, I think.
Sunday 21 October 2012
Tuesday 9 October 2012
The Cooperative
As the title of my blog suggests I am a largely unconvincing person socially, However you didn't need to be some sort of mind reader to work out the girl at the till in the co-op fancied me, as she fumbled around with her till roll, and struggled to scan my items, making up feeble excuses such as 'my scanners been down all day' clearly lies as she admired my patience and openly warming stance as I waited for my items. There was definitely something in the air, I shan't go into details as I wouldn't want to outsell 50 shades, but as with all love stories there was an abrupt parting, but to sum it up i eventually got my items....although I aren't allowed in co-op again.
Anyway last night watching 999 what's your emergency made me realise one thing, just how much I value my teeth and my wallpaper. For those of you who haven't see it it's basically like Jeremy Kyle filmed on location, featuring people who use the word 'was' in the wrong tense. It's amazing how much some TV programmes can touch you inside. It really does make you wonder just why the government are helping these people who waste every opportunity given to them, and have little or no ambition to change their lifestyle. Surely it would be better to give these people there benefits in the form of food stamps or utility bill stamps. That way these people would have no choice but to spend there money where it is needed and not on ecstasy and reebok track suits. If this ruling ever does come into force I'd move all my money into shares in Bernard Matthews, and other chicken dipper makers.
Talking of TV programmes that really touch you, Jim'll fix it, who'd have thought that Sir Jimmy Saville may have been, you know, one of them. I can't help but think these allegations would have been more good coming to light when he was alive, that way something could be done. But what are they going to do now? Hang him? I just can't decide wether I believe these allegations or wether its just a few people trying to make a quick buck, but anyway at least they got a medal. Of sorts.
The good news is that food prices are set to rise this winter due to a poor summer, well if that's the case would All the farmers who are clogging up the roads with their tractors kindly sod off and get some big greenhouses built in case next years summer is as bad, it would protect next years harvest and make my journeys all the more pleasurable, two birds, one stone.
Thanks again for reading, if you did. If not, take a long hard look at yourselves :p
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