It seems that nowadays there needs to be scapegoat for people to be happy about things. It's usually; America, Immigrants, Men, Banks or Motorists. Last week for example the 'thing' that was responsible for everything bad in the world was Barclays, I like everybody else aren't really sure why, But I'm pretty certain they are a set of bastards for doing whatever it is that they did. I think what they did had something to do with money, And it Involved an Important man at Barclays called Bob Diamond. But with a name like that, The guy was always going to be evil. Bob's fair enough, But Diamond? Of course he was going to be trouble. Anyway whatever he did he copped some flack for it, and I think got sacked.
But this weeks scapegoat is G4S who have been chosen to sort out the security at the Olympics. However the man/woman at G4S who was in charge of this particular project greatly underestimated the amount of security gaurds they would need. For some reason these Idiots thought that 6 people would be enough to make sure that the millions of people coming to watch the biggest event in Britain for years would be ok. Now I'm not a security expert, But there are usually two Bouncers on the door at the local nightclub, which rarely gets more than 100 people in it. So I'd imagine that 6 people, even if they were big, burly, strong men, Armed with super soakers would struggle to secure the olympics. So now the Army will have to do it. That has made us all very angry and made G4S This weeks scapegoat. Infact I'm fairly sure that it was a G4S employee who started mad cow disease, and It was probably The lady who cleans the G4S toilets who was responsible for the common cold.
Personally I'm sick of hearing about the Olympics, and in particular all of it's bloody sponsors; glaxosmithkline- The official anti Dopers of the olympics, Coca Cola, The lottery, and Most hilariously; Mcdonalds - The company that has turned Millions of small childeren into waddling, Multi Chinned balls of lard and Chicken Nuggets, They are sponsoring a major sporting event. Nothing Prepares Sir Chris Hoy for a bicycle ride more than a tub of French Fries, A big mac and a super size Mcflurry. It's just a completely innapropriate sponsor, They may as well say "Fred West- The official child killer of the Olympics'. Surley the companies that should sponsor the games are ones like; salads R us, or Getoffyourfatarse.com.
Not that I care, I'm bored of the Olympics already, It seems that If you stick a union jack or the words 'Team GB' on something you can flog it for a tenner. It does seem that In britain we can't got more than 2 weeks without getting irrationally excited for a major sporting event.
Thanks for reading.
If indeed you did.
Tuesday 24 July 2012
Wednesday 11 July 2012
Work, Rain and 50 shades of Gray
I'm currently watching a programme on TV fronted by Nick and Margeret off the Apprentice - It's called the town that never retired. Basically they've forced a load of 70+ year olds from Preston to get a job, Just to see if they can do it. Needless to say it's not going well, Who would have thought a frail, 70 year old who's been retired for the last 10 years was going to struggle lifting reinforced steel joists? Or that a woman who once 'did' Joan of Arc's feet would fail to grasp the concept of word processing, And after four hours Writing click on Several Mice 'Elsie' a former WW2 land girl still hasn't managed to log into 02s main server account. Still we've made it through the first half an hour of the programme without so much as a heart flutter. Things are looking up for them.
They should have given the poor old chaps an easy job at least, Such as Lion conservation in the Arctic, Or working for Gillette's product devolpment team, Arguably the easiest job in the world. Stroll in about 9am, Walk into the board room, "Right guys, The kids want a trip to euro disney and the wifes just finished reading 50 shades of gray, and has spent all our cash on Candles, Essential oils and cucumbers, So heres my money making idea, wait for it.....A 6 blade razor, The first blade cuts the hair, The rest just look pretty, But the beauty of it is guys, We can charge £18 for a pack of 6" A 3 year old could do that, Never mind a pensioner.
The pensioners are out working in winter, I'm sat here in Summer, apparently, It's raining, like it has been for the past 3 weeks, At least it's stopped the hosepipe ban, And it's given people who don't really like each other but daren't ignore each other a talking point, It's also given local people an excuse to not bother doing anything, Going out, Opening shops, smiling, That sort of thing. Personally I don't mind the rain, It stops me having to squint when I'm trying to see people. But most people don't like rain. It'll be a bugger for the Olympics, (Not that I care) This country grinds to a standstill when we have bad weather alone, Not to mention bad weather, lots of tourists, congestion, and a Major event too host. On average it works that every 2 weeks Britain gets embraced by completely misplaced ' Sporting event fever and overconfidence' what with the Euro's, The tennis and the Olympics.
The other Massive news story recently has been that of 50 Shades of Gray, Which is like Harry Potter, but for women who's husbands would rather play golf. It's basically a book about sex, But without actually mentioning sex on the front cover, So it can be read on the train. It's sold Millions of copies, And is keeping many divorcee's busy on those lonely evenings, Along with a bar of galaxy and a bottle of Lambrini. It's also radically improved Tesco's Cucumber sales, For some reason.
They should have given the poor old chaps an easy job at least, Such as Lion conservation in the Arctic, Or working for Gillette's product devolpment team, Arguably the easiest job in the world. Stroll in about 9am, Walk into the board room, "Right guys, The kids want a trip to euro disney and the wifes just finished reading 50 shades of gray, and has spent all our cash on Candles, Essential oils and cucumbers, So heres my money making idea, wait for it.....A 6 blade razor, The first blade cuts the hair, The rest just look pretty, But the beauty of it is guys, We can charge £18 for a pack of 6" A 3 year old could do that, Never mind a pensioner.
The pensioners are out working in winter, I'm sat here in Summer, apparently, It's raining, like it has been for the past 3 weeks, At least it's stopped the hosepipe ban, And it's given people who don't really like each other but daren't ignore each other a talking point, It's also given local people an excuse to not bother doing anything, Going out, Opening shops, smiling, That sort of thing. Personally I don't mind the rain, It stops me having to squint when I'm trying to see people. But most people don't like rain. It'll be a bugger for the Olympics, (Not that I care) This country grinds to a standstill when we have bad weather alone, Not to mention bad weather, lots of tourists, congestion, and a Major event too host. On average it works that every 2 weeks Britain gets embraced by completely misplaced ' Sporting event fever and overconfidence' what with the Euro's, The tennis and the Olympics.
The other Massive news story recently has been that of 50 Shades of Gray, Which is like Harry Potter, but for women who's husbands would rather play golf. It's basically a book about sex, But without actually mentioning sex on the front cover, So it can be read on the train. It's sold Millions of copies, And is keeping many divorcee's busy on those lonely evenings, Along with a bar of galaxy and a bottle of Lambrini. It's also radically improved Tesco's Cucumber sales, For some reason.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)