As a torrid pre season drew to a close and the opening game against champions Leicester City was just 6 days away Hull City AFC were still without a manager and any signings. However things were about to change...
Roberto Martinez rejected Ehab Allams offer of £16 per week, A retirement flat on Ilthorpe and a 15% discount on any marine generator. And despite professing his desire to return to management, but this time to a job where he could try and save a team from relegation Sir Alex Ferguson's CV was ignored as Ehab claimed 'a lack of footballing experience' went against the Scot. The Allam family instead opting to appoint former Leeds manager and all round lovely bloke Dennis Wise as joint manager along with Ehab himself. This decision was met (according to Hull Tigers Facebook page) with largely positive responses, with at least four fans notes as saying "well at least it isn't Steve Evans". Two days later Steve Evans is hired as assistant manager. Mo Diame has still not been seen for over a week.
In the mean time Steve Bruce's slow descent into madness continues as he is pictured trying to ride a swan pedalo around scotch corner wearing nothing except an wool bobble hat. He is heard singing songs about Adolf Hitlers genitals and how helpful beans are to the digestive system. "His irrational allergy to Egyptian cotton appears to have worsened" according to son Alex.
Also Sam Allardyce suffered defeat in his first game as England manager after an embarrassing 0-4 defeat at home to Bulgaria in a friendly. Sammy Lee was sacked as Allardyces assistant, so Big Sam turned to friend and fashion icon Phil Brown.
With the opening PL game now only 4 days away and still with no signings Ehab Allam tries to win back the support of the Tigernation by making audacious bids for Leo Messi, Gareth Bale and Trevor Sinclair. Negotiations for Bale and Messi were hampered from the start with the Allams failing to offer more than a pack of Quavers and all the black Wine Gums from the packet in Steve Bruce's old office. Sinclair accepted the Wine Gums but unfortunately the Allams wouldn't meet his request for Pom Bears instead of Quavers.
Seeing the crisis the club was in former players Liam Rosenior and Paul McShane offered their services to the club for free, But both were put off by the Allams insistence they buy their own kit and cook their own pre match meals. So with the opening game only 1 day away and still no signings The Tigers where destined to enter the season with only 9 fit first team players and a Jack Russell that has been turning up to the training ground for a week. Reports begin to circulate in the press that the last time Mo Diame was seen he was been stuffed into the back of a Rolls Royce with a cotton bag over his head.
In a last minute flurry of deals Hull manage to tempt Paul Merson out of retirement to add grit to the midfield, and promising upcoming striker Leroy Lita joins on a free. Unfortunately for City though it's not all good news as Eldin Jakupovic is diagnosed with split personality disorder, partly believing himself to be Lev Yashin and partly a root vegetable.
However the first game ended in victory for the Tigers, with most of the Leicester team still hungover or sold and talismanic striker Jamie Vardy out with a freak injury he picked up whilst tarmacking someone's drive over the summer, A first half own goal from Leicester keeper Kasper Schmeichel gifted city a win. That evening in a foul mother interview with ultra masculine Look North presenter Peter Levy, Assem Allam tells the Hull fans to "f*** off, you set of morons". It was however revealed that after giving his bank details to a Kenyan lottery tycoon that the Allam family coffers are almost completely empty.
More good news came from the Leicester result with the return of Mo Diame. Although some sceptics said 'Diame' looked surprisingly like a young Egyptian entrepreneur covered in boot polish wearing a shirt three sizes too big.
Steve Bruce appears on Match of the Day 2 wearing a pink tutu and bunny ears, the BBC receive 1800 complaints after he repeatedly keeps asking Gabby Logan if she'd like to dust him down.
Wednesday 3 August 2016
Sunday 24 July 2016
Hull City AFC. Dear Mr Allam...
Dear Mr Allam, (I'm not particularly bothered which one)
I don't know a lot about marine generators, so perhaps you could help me. Can they be used to rescue a sinking ship? If so what size would I need to rescue Hull City AFC, A good ship that you've driven head first into stormy, iceberg filled waters.
Firstly let me say I'm not an idiot, I'm aware of the investment you have put into the club, I'm aware you and your family have overseen one of the most successful periods in the clubs history. But at what cost? I for one will not be lining your pockets anymore. and there are more like me, many of them hardcore, well weathered City supporters who earned their stripes many moons ago.
Lets face it, as City fans we've seen some appalling football, and some even more appalling footballers. We've stood in the open terrace of St James park (Exeter) in the pouring rain watching 22 no hopers and ne'er do well's aimlessly chase a ball around a ploughed field for little more than a 13 place finish in the lowest league. We're possibly the only club in the country who can class Macclesfield as a bogey team, I mean Macclesfield!!. I myself used to make a 4 hour round trip to watch city, not too bad on a Saturday, but Tuesday night games tested my resolve, especially when the football was, more often than not, complete garbage. We've been locked out of our ground. We've even seen Dave Bamber play 28 times...
But after all that, we keep coming back, Why? Because we support, love and follow Hull City AFC. But what Is Hull City AFC? Because although you own it, It certainly isn't you! It's not whoever the manager is, or whoever the star players are. It's more than that, its difficult to explain, it's the circumstance. Hull City AFC isn't Chris Chilton, It's not Ken Wagstaff, It's 'Chillo and Waggy'. No one remembers Alan Fettis's goalkeeping performances, But we all remember that goal. Theo Whitmore for example was at the time one of the most talented players to play for the club, Yet it's his performance against us for Tranmere that people remember. Hull City AFC is entirely subjective to every fan, for me it's been lofted high into the air by a complete stranger in the away end at Bootham Crescent after someone who's long since left the club scored a late winner. It's the other season ticket holders we sit around, we might only see each other for an hour and half every other Saturday, but we're still mates, Because I know, and every other season ticket holders know; that once chairman, managers, star strikers and cult hero's have resigned, been sacked, sold to save the club or retired, we know we will still be here, and Hull City AFC will still be here.
But the atmosphere around the club at the moment is toxic, You alienated many with the name change. A simple poll with the fans before any major action would have saved all that. Simply letting the idea slowly die away after the first FA Rejection would have also seen that storm pass. But the name calling and petty reactions from You an esteemed and successful business man meant that many fans felt completely unvalued. The membership scheme was another disaster, again leaving many fans feeling unvalued and unwanted. How after all we have been through as supporters of the club can we be allowed to feel unwanted, Indeed supporters of any club (with the possible exception of MK Dons) deserve more than to be continually ill treated by the people who are running the thing they love. And then for many, the straw that broke the camels back, the departure of our most successful manager Steve Bruce. He didn't always get it right on the pitch, in fact some of the football towards the back end of last season was abysmal stuff, but his managerial credentials cannot be questioned. If I wanted someone to keep my club in the top flight Mr Bruce would be top of my list. One of the key elements of his early success with the club, I believe, was the fact he was managing without the pressure of being at a top flight club, constantly scrutinised. He seemed to enjoy the freedom and as fans, we enjoyed the results. But this atmosphere created by Yourself and the lack of progress with the sale was too much for an honest, hard working, down to earth football man, and Mr Bruce was driven out. Wait, that sounds familiar. The manager and the fans seem to be running parallel paths.
So now we are weeks away from a new season, disgruntled fans threatening protests and stay aways. Pitiful amounts of season tickets...Ooops sorry, Hull Tigers Memberships sold, No manager and no money for players, Not too mention the ever growing injury list. and a militant owner dripping poison into the very veins of the football club. I can however understand your reluctance to sanction spending, afterall you are going to sell in September, when I sold my trusty X Reg VW Polo I gave it a quick once over with a 35 year old bottle of Autoglym no one wanted and checked the oil but that was it, I certainly didn't fill up the tank and put new alloys on it. (Just in case any one is wondering, Yes I am comparing Peter Odemwingie to a car polish). But when I sold it I didn't take the wheels off, Remove the engine and smear the windscreen in sudocreme.
Mr Allam, Hull City AFC and It's supporters deserve so much more than this.
James Martin
I don't know a lot about marine generators, so perhaps you could help me. Can they be used to rescue a sinking ship? If so what size would I need to rescue Hull City AFC, A good ship that you've driven head first into stormy, iceberg filled waters.
Firstly let me say I'm not an idiot, I'm aware of the investment you have put into the club, I'm aware you and your family have overseen one of the most successful periods in the clubs history. But at what cost? I for one will not be lining your pockets anymore. and there are more like me, many of them hardcore, well weathered City supporters who earned their stripes many moons ago.
Lets face it, as City fans we've seen some appalling football, and some even more appalling footballers. We've stood in the open terrace of St James park (Exeter) in the pouring rain watching 22 no hopers and ne'er do well's aimlessly chase a ball around a ploughed field for little more than a 13 place finish in the lowest league. We're possibly the only club in the country who can class Macclesfield as a bogey team, I mean Macclesfield!!. I myself used to make a 4 hour round trip to watch city, not too bad on a Saturday, but Tuesday night games tested my resolve, especially when the football was, more often than not, complete garbage. We've been locked out of our ground. We've even seen Dave Bamber play 28 times...
But after all that, we keep coming back, Why? Because we support, love and follow Hull City AFC. But what Is Hull City AFC? Because although you own it, It certainly isn't you! It's not whoever the manager is, or whoever the star players are. It's more than that, its difficult to explain, it's the circumstance. Hull City AFC isn't Chris Chilton, It's not Ken Wagstaff, It's 'Chillo and Waggy'. No one remembers Alan Fettis's goalkeeping performances, But we all remember that goal. Theo Whitmore for example was at the time one of the most talented players to play for the club, Yet it's his performance against us for Tranmere that people remember. Hull City AFC is entirely subjective to every fan, for me it's been lofted high into the air by a complete stranger in the away end at Bootham Crescent after someone who's long since left the club scored a late winner. It's the other season ticket holders we sit around, we might only see each other for an hour and half every other Saturday, but we're still mates, Because I know, and every other season ticket holders know; that once chairman, managers, star strikers and cult hero's have resigned, been sacked, sold to save the club or retired, we know we will still be here, and Hull City AFC will still be here.
But the atmosphere around the club at the moment is toxic, You alienated many with the name change. A simple poll with the fans before any major action would have saved all that. Simply letting the idea slowly die away after the first FA Rejection would have also seen that storm pass. But the name calling and petty reactions from You an esteemed and successful business man meant that many fans felt completely unvalued. The membership scheme was another disaster, again leaving many fans feeling unvalued and unwanted. How after all we have been through as supporters of the club can we be allowed to feel unwanted, Indeed supporters of any club (with the possible exception of MK Dons) deserve more than to be continually ill treated by the people who are running the thing they love. And then for many, the straw that broke the camels back, the departure of our most successful manager Steve Bruce. He didn't always get it right on the pitch, in fact some of the football towards the back end of last season was abysmal stuff, but his managerial credentials cannot be questioned. If I wanted someone to keep my club in the top flight Mr Bruce would be top of my list. One of the key elements of his early success with the club, I believe, was the fact he was managing without the pressure of being at a top flight club, constantly scrutinised. He seemed to enjoy the freedom and as fans, we enjoyed the results. But this atmosphere created by Yourself and the lack of progress with the sale was too much for an honest, hard working, down to earth football man, and Mr Bruce was driven out. Wait, that sounds familiar. The manager and the fans seem to be running parallel paths.
So now we are weeks away from a new season, disgruntled fans threatening protests and stay aways. Pitiful amounts of season tickets...Ooops sorry, Hull Tigers Memberships sold, No manager and no money for players, Not too mention the ever growing injury list. and a militant owner dripping poison into the very veins of the football club. I can however understand your reluctance to sanction spending, afterall you are going to sell in September, when I sold my trusty X Reg VW Polo I gave it a quick once over with a 35 year old bottle of Autoglym no one wanted and checked the oil but that was it, I certainly didn't fill up the tank and put new alloys on it. (Just in case any one is wondering, Yes I am comparing Peter Odemwingie to a car polish). But when I sold it I didn't take the wheels off, Remove the engine and smear the windscreen in sudocreme.
Mr Allam, Hull City AFC and It's supporters deserve so much more than this.
James Martin
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