Most of you probably wont have heard of the name, Unless of course you support Hull or Scunthorpe, Or are the most ardent of football geeks. But over the last 10 years Andy Dawson has been the first name on the teamsheet throughtout Hull City's rise through the football league. Rareley the headline maker Andy's consistent, strong and dogged displays have earnt the left back legendary status amongs Tigers fans.
Signed by Peter Taylor on a free transfer from local rivals Scunthorpe fans could, Initially be forgiven for thinking Dawson's time at city would be largely unspectacular. In fact I imagine very few would have thought we'd be talking about him 10 years on. Dawson came to city when they were the proverbial 'sleeping giants' in Division 3, Taylor was building his team for success on the pitch, Adam Pearson building for success off it. Andy Dawson was to play a major part in All of the resulting achievments.
For 10 years Dawson has been a rock as part of a team which has changed around him. In that time players have donned the tiger stripes who have made the fans uncomfortable when on the ball, Junior Lewis, Ibrahima Sonko, Peter Gulacsi etc. But the fans faith in 'Daws' has been unwaiverin. It was clear to see that Andy was more than capable at playing in Division 3, And when City won promotion to league 1 Dawson again stepped up, with more outstanding defending. Then another promotion this time to the Championship, Now we were playing with the Big Boys, City no longer had the bigger budget, The best stadium or the better players, We were going to be up against it. But again Andy stepped up with more effortless defensive displays. A few seasons of fighting relegation were followed by possibly the most amazing thing to happen to City to date, Promotion, To the Premier League, With Dawson playing a major part in the promotion season. Surely though, The veteran Left back couldn't step up once more to face the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo, Rooney, and Torres. But yet again he silenced the doubters,To become one of a select few of players to have played for their club in all 4 divisions. And became an essential part of the Tigers team for their 2 seasons in the top flight.
But don't go thinking Andy's talents end at defending, He has (to date) scored 8 times for city, Most of which from sublime free kicks, He can cross (A rareity amongst modern full backs), His determination to never lose an individual battle really shines through on the pitch, and often leads to the arguably 'more talented' players failing to achieve, Just ask Theo Walcott, In the Tigers first season in the Premier League The young england winger barely got out of Andy's pocket all game.
I think one of the most telling tributes to Andy's performances is the lack of any real challengers for his position, Each of the 7 managers he's played under has fully trusted his abilities, and any challengers to his position didn't last long, Damien Delaney had a few cracks, but his delivery was nowhere near the standard of Andy's, Who could forget (Or even remember Roland Edge) Alan Rogers stepped in when 'Daws' suffered an injury in 2007. Kevin Kilbane got pretty close and Stephen Mouyakolo might even have tried, But No one has got close to moving Andy Dawson from the left back slot.
Daws has played behind many players at city, Eliott, Ellison,Fagan, Hughes, Halmosi, Geovanni, Stewart the list goes on, He's provided the crosses for Allsopp, Burgess, Parkin, Duffy, Campbell, Windass, King, Cousin, Manucho and Fryatt. He's partnered the likes of Delaney, Cort, Turner, Brown, Hobbs and Chester. And survived 7 different managers, The success of Taylor, The short lived disaster of Phil Parkinson, the ups and downs of Phil Brown, Ian Dowie, The needed clearout by Nigel Pearson, He's played under his friend and teammate Nick Barmby and currently Steve Bruce.
Windass is the local goalscoring hero, Ash was a hard tackling fans favourite, But Daws, well, 10 years on He's still here, and still Playing to the highest standard.
Andy Dawson, Thank You - From A city fan.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Swimming, Halloween and Derek Acorah
Well, We've recently had Halloween, which is one of my favourite celebrations of the year, It's definately up there just behind Christmas, Birthday, Bonfire Night, New Year, Easter, and the little known East African tribal celebration of Umpaktu. It also means everyone gets to dress up as Witches, Vampires, Zombies or Youths and Knock on peoples doors and demand treats, With the threat of some form of trick. There are a few things I dont 'get' about that whole procedure, 1) At no other point in the year is it acceptable to do that and 2) At no other point in the year is it acceptable to hand sweets out to childeren. So why do it on October 31st? It also means ghosts have to start making appearences and live up to their reputation. Step Forward.....Derek Acorah.
Derek Acorah For those of you who dont know, is a man from Liverpool, Who has a husky smokes 20 hamlets a day type scouse accent. Not a talent in itself, However his talent lies in his ability to speak to the dead. He's a spiritulist Medium. Or Liar to you and me. He's most famous for plying his trade on former Hit TV show Most Haunted, In which Derek, His invisible spirit guide Sam, and a film crew would go to a old building, talk to ghosts, scream and leave again, with no concrete evidence whatsoever. The crew would be exploring a 500 year old castle and he'd stop, raise his hand and say something like, "Im sensing the spirit of a man" The crew would all gasp in awe, of his genius, Another raise of the Arm of Acorah would be met with another pearl of wisdom "I feel, This man has passed away" the crew look more and more shocked, and ask Derek for a name, He then turns into some sort of Liverpudlian porn actor and in a low, sensual voice he would contact his spirit guide (A mediums equivalent of Yoda I believe) " Come on Sam, Give it to me, Give it too me Sam, Give me the name, Who's the daddy, Give it to Sam you dirty girl" The crew now looking more and more alarmed, Derek comes up with a name, The big moment, He raises his finger once more, And In mid air spells out the name, 'ALAN' At the same time as saying "Joseph, The mans name is Joseph" At which point a factual banner comes up at the bottom of screen saying 'No Record of Joseph can be found at this castle' So to Summarise Dereks contribution to the show so far, He's found that a man has lived in a 500 year old castle, and is now dead, This man is called Joseph (Or Alan) and has absolutley NO connection with the building whatsoever. Oh yeah and He's had imaginary ghost sex with his spirit guide. Thats how he made his living, He may well be a fraud, But he's Filthy rich and a genius for it.
There are as you know if youve read my previous blogs, Many things that annoy me, Religion, Supermarkets, Pensioners, Cats, Farmers, Derek Acorahs etc. But Nothing annoys me, quite as much as swimming. There are some things people are naturally good at, Some things people learn and improve at, And others that people just cannot, not for want of trying do. Swimming is mine. For 9 years at school I did swimming lessons and to this day can swim no more than a legnth, In the shallow end. With a standing stop. I dont know why im cack at it I do everything the swimming teachers tell me, Wave my hands around, kick my feet. But I just cant do it. Then again, I have no interest in doing it. I have no interest in walking through the gammy, mucky, gritty footwash things, I can see no fun in spending any amount of time swimming in straight lines in water full of bleach, urine, plasters, disease and childeren. and to top it all off, The one thing I have learnt in swimming has never come in of use to me, Never In my 21 years existance have I been walking past a crystal clear canal, in my Pyjamas, and see, a rubber brick struggling to stay afloat. It really does take the piss. But each to their own, If you are the type of person who likes taking a bite out of them polystyrene floats and swalling large amounts of nasty water then be my guest.
Derek Acorah For those of you who dont know, is a man from Liverpool, Who has a husky smokes 20 hamlets a day type scouse accent. Not a talent in itself, However his talent lies in his ability to speak to the dead. He's a spiritulist Medium. Or Liar to you and me. He's most famous for plying his trade on former Hit TV show Most Haunted, In which Derek, His invisible spirit guide Sam, and a film crew would go to a old building, talk to ghosts, scream and leave again, with no concrete evidence whatsoever. The crew would be exploring a 500 year old castle and he'd stop, raise his hand and say something like, "Im sensing the spirit of a man" The crew would all gasp in awe, of his genius, Another raise of the Arm of Acorah would be met with another pearl of wisdom "I feel, This man has passed away" the crew look more and more shocked, and ask Derek for a name, He then turns into some sort of Liverpudlian porn actor and in a low, sensual voice he would contact his spirit guide (A mediums equivalent of Yoda I believe) " Come on Sam, Give it to me, Give it too me Sam, Give me the name, Who's the daddy, Give it to Sam you dirty girl" The crew now looking more and more alarmed, Derek comes up with a name, The big moment, He raises his finger once more, And In mid air spells out the name, 'ALAN' At the same time as saying "Joseph, The mans name is Joseph" At which point a factual banner comes up at the bottom of screen saying 'No Record of Joseph can be found at this castle' So to Summarise Dereks contribution to the show so far, He's found that a man has lived in a 500 year old castle, and is now dead, This man is called Joseph (Or Alan) and has absolutley NO connection with the building whatsoever. Oh yeah and He's had imaginary ghost sex with his spirit guide. Thats how he made his living, He may well be a fraud, But he's Filthy rich and a genius for it.
There are as you know if youve read my previous blogs, Many things that annoy me, Religion, Supermarkets, Pensioners, Cats, Farmers, Derek Acorahs etc. But Nothing annoys me, quite as much as swimming. There are some things people are naturally good at, Some things people learn and improve at, And others that people just cannot, not for want of trying do. Swimming is mine. For 9 years at school I did swimming lessons and to this day can swim no more than a legnth, In the shallow end. With a standing stop. I dont know why im cack at it I do everything the swimming teachers tell me, Wave my hands around, kick my feet. But I just cant do it. Then again, I have no interest in doing it. I have no interest in walking through the gammy, mucky, gritty footwash things, I can see no fun in spending any amount of time swimming in straight lines in water full of bleach, urine, plasters, disease and childeren. and to top it all off, The one thing I have learnt in swimming has never come in of use to me, Never In my 21 years existance have I been walking past a crystal clear canal, in my Pyjamas, and see, a rubber brick struggling to stay afloat. It really does take the piss. But each to their own, If you are the type of person who likes taking a bite out of them polystyrene floats and swalling large amounts of nasty water then be my guest.
Sunday, 21 October 2012
If anyone serves me riced potatoes I will smack them in the face
The phrase 'brilliant idea' is overused a lot these days, usually by a Chinese looking person with a strong Glaswegian accent on dragons den, while they struggle to describe the benefit of wearing a glove that doubles up as wine press. And as they begin to fall to pieces at the sight of what's up Deborah skirt (Theo's hand?) they feel I assume much like the person who invented the slotted spoon felt when he/she was pitching their idea. "Errmmm well, yeah, it's a sort of spoon, but errm with holes in".
However some of these inventions are useful; the JML halogen oven, the JML Paint runner, the JML ped-egg (an egg for removing dead skin I believe) for instance, all useful inventions available from all good woolworthseses. However the potato ricer, is at the opposite end of the spectrum, a completely pointless, useless and impractical money making, Idea, it basically mashes potatoes, but in ultra small small amounts, so by the time you've riced your last bit of king Edward the first bits cold. And I imagine they're a ball ache to wash up (even with fairy). Unless your names Jamie, Gordon or Hugh-Fearnley you really shouldn't own one, let alone contemplate buying. Save your pennies and buy a shoe horn instead.
It seems strange that we are worshipping potato ricers, and dead skin eggs, as technology, when arguably the greatest invention ever seen is lying dormant and unused in some museum. The Concorde, was a complete miracle, for a start it was built by us and the French, and usually anything built in this country was about as reliable as getting Jimmy Saville to babysit. The Austin Allegro for example, or Rovers. And the French only really do fine delicate things, such as wine, cheese and underwear. But the two combined on this project really worked, when you think about it, the frechies managed the technical stuff and we did the big, gritty parts, because wings are easy to knock up in between striking and complaining a out the wether. The Concorde really was an amazing plane, I could be in America and back in time for breakfast, if it was still in action (possibly in a screaming fireball, but still...) and ok it had its downfalls, as all new ideas had, but too scrap it so hastily, well it's a massive waste. And, it also makes the last piece of genuine British design and ingenuity look crap, and it wasn't. Although the Airbus can hold more people, and is more spacious, it's not as quick and therefore like anything built since, has been a step back. Bring back the Concorde I say.
Rant over, I'm hoping my next blog will be funnier, it's going to be about my hatred for swimming, I think.
However some of these inventions are useful; the JML halogen oven, the JML Paint runner, the JML ped-egg (an egg for removing dead skin I believe) for instance, all useful inventions available from all good woolworthseses. However the potato ricer, is at the opposite end of the spectrum, a completely pointless, useless and impractical money making, Idea, it basically mashes potatoes, but in ultra small small amounts, so by the time you've riced your last bit of king Edward the first bits cold. And I imagine they're a ball ache to wash up (even with fairy). Unless your names Jamie, Gordon or Hugh-Fearnley you really shouldn't own one, let alone contemplate buying. Save your pennies and buy a shoe horn instead.
It seems strange that we are worshipping potato ricers, and dead skin eggs, as technology, when arguably the greatest invention ever seen is lying dormant and unused in some museum. The Concorde, was a complete miracle, for a start it was built by us and the French, and usually anything built in this country was about as reliable as getting Jimmy Saville to babysit. The Austin Allegro for example, or Rovers. And the French only really do fine delicate things, such as wine, cheese and underwear. But the two combined on this project really worked, when you think about it, the frechies managed the technical stuff and we did the big, gritty parts, because wings are easy to knock up in between striking and complaining a out the wether. The Concorde really was an amazing plane, I could be in America and back in time for breakfast, if it was still in action (possibly in a screaming fireball, but still...) and ok it had its downfalls, as all new ideas had, but too scrap it so hastily, well it's a massive waste. And, it also makes the last piece of genuine British design and ingenuity look crap, and it wasn't. Although the Airbus can hold more people, and is more spacious, it's not as quick and therefore like anything built since, has been a step back. Bring back the Concorde I say.
Rant over, I'm hoping my next blog will be funnier, it's going to be about my hatred for swimming, I think.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
The Cooperative
As the title of my blog suggests I am a largely unconvincing person socially, However you didn't need to be some sort of mind reader to work out the girl at the till in the co-op fancied me, as she fumbled around with her till roll, and struggled to scan my items, making up feeble excuses such as 'my scanners been down all day' clearly lies as she admired my patience and openly warming stance as I waited for my items. There was definitely something in the air, I shan't go into details as I wouldn't want to outsell 50 shades, but as with all love stories there was an abrupt parting, but to sum it up i eventually got my items....although I aren't allowed in co-op again.
Anyway last night watching 999 what's your emergency made me realise one thing, just how much I value my teeth and my wallpaper. For those of you who haven't see it it's basically like Jeremy Kyle filmed on location, featuring people who use the word 'was' in the wrong tense. It's amazing how much some TV programmes can touch you inside. It really does make you wonder just why the government are helping these people who waste every opportunity given to them, and have little or no ambition to change their lifestyle. Surely it would be better to give these people there benefits in the form of food stamps or utility bill stamps. That way these people would have no choice but to spend there money where it is needed and not on ecstasy and reebok track suits. If this ruling ever does come into force I'd move all my money into shares in Bernard Matthews, and other chicken dipper makers.
Talking of TV programmes that really touch you, Jim'll fix it, who'd have thought that Sir Jimmy Saville may have been, you know, one of them. I can't help but think these allegations would have been more good coming to light when he was alive, that way something could be done. But what are they going to do now? Hang him? I just can't decide wether I believe these allegations or wether its just a few people trying to make a quick buck, but anyway at least they got a medal. Of sorts.
The good news is that food prices are set to rise this winter due to a poor summer, well if that's the case would All the farmers who are clogging up the roads with their tractors kindly sod off and get some big greenhouses built in case next years summer is as bad, it would protect next years harvest and make my journeys all the more pleasurable, two birds, one stone.
Thanks again for reading, if you did. If not, take a long hard look at yourselves :p
Monday, 24 September 2012
You know your life's in a strange place when you contemplate making soup.
Well it does seem, as I look out of my window at the sea of grey and rain drops that winter has arrived, or at least returned from its week off. Which means that everyone has a common talking point and a common reason to be miserable. It also means that we are now on a collision course with 6 months of bad weather, which most people believe to be a bad thing. However bad wether creates a good feeling, kind of siege mentality, like in the war, except its not nazi bombs and mustard gas were all fighting, it's rain, snow and a lack of common sense. By the end of the week we will be seeing pensioners huddled together underneath bus shelters complaining about the rain, like a bunch of damp refugees. And went the snow comes we will all be asked to look after our elderly neighbours, and sooner or later there will be a news story stating some halfwit has died trying to climb Ben Nevis wearing just a pair of crocs and a bobble hat. And together as one we will all shout 'moron'. So lets all cut the bad weather some slack and embrace the rain and the way it unites us.
Also In my humble opinion I've just witnessed the most disturbing news story of the year, no, not one about a much loved celebrity passing away, or hundreds of innocent nun's children's bunny rabbits being killed, but a story that a shooting star that flew over parts of England last night may have just been an ordinary piece of space crap. Ok I appreciate the BBC has to report the facts but why not let the good people of Slough believe they have seen something magical and amazing, Not just some rusty old bolts from a space station, It does seem rather unfair that we aren't allowed to enjoy these 'special' moments without someone with thick glasses and a West Country accent telling us were all idiots and we were in fact wrong.
I've also just been reading the local paper, and there are about 50 adverts for lost cats, Now I've never really understood cats, or understood why people want them, But for so many to go missing is just odd, and its not just this week, it's every week, these horrible flea ridden dog wannabe's are going missing in their hundreds, now I can't decide wether this is down to their odd owners carelessness or more likely it may be down to the cats who having being spoiled for so long now intend on taking over the world, it's the perfect plan if you think about it, after all. Who expects a cat?
Also In my humble opinion I've just witnessed the most disturbing news story of the year, no, not one about a much loved celebrity passing away, or hundreds of innocent nun's children's bunny rabbits being killed, but a story that a shooting star that flew over parts of England last night may have just been an ordinary piece of space crap. Ok I appreciate the BBC has to report the facts but why not let the good people of Slough believe they have seen something magical and amazing, Not just some rusty old bolts from a space station, It does seem rather unfair that we aren't allowed to enjoy these 'special' moments without someone with thick glasses and a West Country accent telling us were all idiots and we were in fact wrong.
I've also just been reading the local paper, and there are about 50 adverts for lost cats, Now I've never really understood cats, or understood why people want them, But for so many to go missing is just odd, and its not just this week, it's every week, these horrible flea ridden dog wannabe's are going missing in their hundreds, now I can't decide wether this is down to their odd owners carelessness or more likely it may be down to the cats who having being spoiled for so long now intend on taking over the world, it's the perfect plan if you think about it, after all. Who expects a cat?
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Why Don't the Olympics just sod off.
It seems that nowadays there needs to be scapegoat for people to be happy about things. It's usually; America, Immigrants, Men, Banks or Motorists. Last week for example the 'thing' that was responsible for everything bad in the world was Barclays, I like everybody else aren't really sure why, But I'm pretty certain they are a set of bastards for doing whatever it is that they did. I think what they did had something to do with money, And it Involved an Important man at Barclays called Bob Diamond. But with a name like that, The guy was always going to be evil. Bob's fair enough, But Diamond? Of course he was going to be trouble. Anyway whatever he did he copped some flack for it, and I think got sacked.
But this weeks scapegoat is G4S who have been chosen to sort out the security at the Olympics. However the man/woman at G4S who was in charge of this particular project greatly underestimated the amount of security gaurds they would need. For some reason these Idiots thought that 6 people would be enough to make sure that the millions of people coming to watch the biggest event in Britain for years would be ok. Now I'm not a security expert, But there are usually two Bouncers on the door at the local nightclub, which rarely gets more than 100 people in it. So I'd imagine that 6 people, even if they were big, burly, strong men, Armed with super soakers would struggle to secure the olympics. So now the Army will have to do it. That has made us all very angry and made G4S This weeks scapegoat. Infact I'm fairly sure that it was a G4S employee who started mad cow disease, and It was probably The lady who cleans the G4S toilets who was responsible for the common cold.
Personally I'm sick of hearing about the Olympics, and in particular all of it's bloody sponsors; glaxosmithkline- The official anti Dopers of the olympics, Coca Cola, The lottery, and Most hilariously; Mcdonalds - The company that has turned Millions of small childeren into waddling, Multi Chinned balls of lard and Chicken Nuggets, They are sponsoring a major sporting event. Nothing Prepares Sir Chris Hoy for a bicycle ride more than a tub of French Fries, A big mac and a super size Mcflurry. It's just a completely innapropriate sponsor, They may as well say "Fred West- The official child killer of the Olympics'. Surley the companies that should sponsor the games are ones like; salads R us, or Getoffyourfatarse.com.
Not that I care, I'm bored of the Olympics already, It seems that If you stick a union jack or the words 'Team GB' on something you can flog it for a tenner. It does seem that In britain we can't got more than 2 weeks without getting irrationally excited for a major sporting event.
Thanks for reading.
If indeed you did.
But this weeks scapegoat is G4S who have been chosen to sort out the security at the Olympics. However the man/woman at G4S who was in charge of this particular project greatly underestimated the amount of security gaurds they would need. For some reason these Idiots thought that 6 people would be enough to make sure that the millions of people coming to watch the biggest event in Britain for years would be ok. Now I'm not a security expert, But there are usually two Bouncers on the door at the local nightclub, which rarely gets more than 100 people in it. So I'd imagine that 6 people, even if they were big, burly, strong men, Armed with super soakers would struggle to secure the olympics. So now the Army will have to do it. That has made us all very angry and made G4S This weeks scapegoat. Infact I'm fairly sure that it was a G4S employee who started mad cow disease, and It was probably The lady who cleans the G4S toilets who was responsible for the common cold.
Personally I'm sick of hearing about the Olympics, and in particular all of it's bloody sponsors; glaxosmithkline- The official anti Dopers of the olympics, Coca Cola, The lottery, and Most hilariously; Mcdonalds - The company that has turned Millions of small childeren into waddling, Multi Chinned balls of lard and Chicken Nuggets, They are sponsoring a major sporting event. Nothing Prepares Sir Chris Hoy for a bicycle ride more than a tub of French Fries, A big mac and a super size Mcflurry. It's just a completely innapropriate sponsor, They may as well say "Fred West- The official child killer of the Olympics'. Surley the companies that should sponsor the games are ones like; salads R us, or Getoffyourfatarse.com.
Not that I care, I'm bored of the Olympics already, It seems that If you stick a union jack or the words 'Team GB' on something you can flog it for a tenner. It does seem that In britain we can't got more than 2 weeks without getting irrationally excited for a major sporting event.
Thanks for reading.
If indeed you did.
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Work, Rain and 50 shades of Gray
I'm currently watching a programme on TV fronted by Nick and Margeret off the Apprentice - It's called the town that never retired. Basically they've forced a load of 70+ year olds from Preston to get a job, Just to see if they can do it. Needless to say it's not going well, Who would have thought a frail, 70 year old who's been retired for the last 10 years was going to struggle lifting reinforced steel joists? Or that a woman who once 'did' Joan of Arc's feet would fail to grasp the concept of word processing, And after four hours Writing click on Several Mice 'Elsie' a former WW2 land girl still hasn't managed to log into 02s main server account. Still we've made it through the first half an hour of the programme without so much as a heart flutter. Things are looking up for them.
They should have given the poor old chaps an easy job at least, Such as Lion conservation in the Arctic, Or working for Gillette's product devolpment team, Arguably the easiest job in the world. Stroll in about 9am, Walk into the board room, "Right guys, The kids want a trip to euro disney and the wifes just finished reading 50 shades of gray, and has spent all our cash on Candles, Essential oils and cucumbers, So heres my money making idea, wait for it.....A 6 blade razor, The first blade cuts the hair, The rest just look pretty, But the beauty of it is guys, We can charge £18 for a pack of 6" A 3 year old could do that, Never mind a pensioner.
The pensioners are out working in winter, I'm sat here in Summer, apparently, It's raining, like it has been for the past 3 weeks, At least it's stopped the hosepipe ban, And it's given people who don't really like each other but daren't ignore each other a talking point, It's also given local people an excuse to not bother doing anything, Going out, Opening shops, smiling, That sort of thing. Personally I don't mind the rain, It stops me having to squint when I'm trying to see people. But most people don't like rain. It'll be a bugger for the Olympics, (Not that I care) This country grinds to a standstill when we have bad weather alone, Not to mention bad weather, lots of tourists, congestion, and a Major event too host. On average it works that every 2 weeks Britain gets embraced by completely misplaced ' Sporting event fever and overconfidence' what with the Euro's, The tennis and the Olympics.
The other Massive news story recently has been that of 50 Shades of Gray, Which is like Harry Potter, but for women who's husbands would rather play golf. It's basically a book about sex, But without actually mentioning sex on the front cover, So it can be read on the train. It's sold Millions of copies, And is keeping many divorcee's busy on those lonely evenings, Along with a bar of galaxy and a bottle of Lambrini. It's also radically improved Tesco's Cucumber sales, For some reason.
They should have given the poor old chaps an easy job at least, Such as Lion conservation in the Arctic, Or working for Gillette's product devolpment team, Arguably the easiest job in the world. Stroll in about 9am, Walk into the board room, "Right guys, The kids want a trip to euro disney and the wifes just finished reading 50 shades of gray, and has spent all our cash on Candles, Essential oils and cucumbers, So heres my money making idea, wait for it.....A 6 blade razor, The first blade cuts the hair, The rest just look pretty, But the beauty of it is guys, We can charge £18 for a pack of 6" A 3 year old could do that, Never mind a pensioner.
The pensioners are out working in winter, I'm sat here in Summer, apparently, It's raining, like it has been for the past 3 weeks, At least it's stopped the hosepipe ban, And it's given people who don't really like each other but daren't ignore each other a talking point, It's also given local people an excuse to not bother doing anything, Going out, Opening shops, smiling, That sort of thing. Personally I don't mind the rain, It stops me having to squint when I'm trying to see people. But most people don't like rain. It'll be a bugger for the Olympics, (Not that I care) This country grinds to a standstill when we have bad weather alone, Not to mention bad weather, lots of tourists, congestion, and a Major event too host. On average it works that every 2 weeks Britain gets embraced by completely misplaced ' Sporting event fever and overconfidence' what with the Euro's, The tennis and the Olympics.
The other Massive news story recently has been that of 50 Shades of Gray, Which is like Harry Potter, but for women who's husbands would rather play golf. It's basically a book about sex, But without actually mentioning sex on the front cover, So it can be read on the train. It's sold Millions of copies, And is keeping many divorcee's busy on those lonely evenings, Along with a bar of galaxy and a bottle of Lambrini. It's also radically improved Tesco's Cucumber sales, For some reason.
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