Cheap Holidays....

Short of Money?

Need a break?

Only had 2 holidays this year?

Why not Holiday In England

As we are all aware, the current economic climate has taken its toll. Nobody is as well off as they used to be. And this week British gas and other energy suppliers have raised prices, Begging two questions.

· What is the best temperature to defrost frozen elderly relatives?

· How are we going to afford a holiday?

Now I can't answer the first question, but the I can the second; it’s quite simple really. Holiday at home. No I don't mean go and live in your shed for a week, I mean Say 'au revoir'

To the Dordogne, and Say hello to the places England has to offer.

Now this is not new, many thin, slightly odd, sandal wearing vegetarians have been doing it for years. But they go to places like the lake district, Or Loch Ness, Or Stonehenge, Where you will inevitably end up Underwhelmed, Wet, and paying over the odds for lumps of shiny stone, or bottled water. So this 'Helpful' Guide Features places where that isn't going to happen (Well, you may get wet, I can't stop the weather....Yet). So get your finest tracksuit on, and pack your crocs, because were going on Holiday....

Wales

Known too many as Wales, or Whales. It is indeed England’s largest piece of derelict wasteland. Home too just a few hundred Locals, Called the Welsh. There are many things to do in Wales, Including Visiting one of its many crack dens, (Usually located in the larger cities such as Cardiff). Wales has No museums, and looks upon culture dimly. However, if you manage to approach a local who isn’t high on ‘Rubicon’ you could indeed spend hours listening to them ramble on about Coal, Digging, and Digging for coal and Leeks. That however is difficult, because for some reason, many original locals refuse to drop their now largely pointless language, and cannot be understood.

It also has a lot of Hills, and Sheep, and judging by the picture it has a fair few misty hills as well.  Wales is largely child unfriendly, In fact it has been known for parents to unwittingly take a 5 year old to Wales and return with a 5 year old Heroin addict. It is however cheap. And much prettier than Bristol.

 

Leicester

Leicester, Is an upcoming city, working very hard to dispel its poor reputation. And recently in fact, Came 5^th on the Midlands city of culture list. Behind Coventry, Wolverhampton, Birmingham and West Bromwich. Leicester has many interesting things to see and Do, Including Junction 21 of the M1, Which is widely regarded as the busiest section of the motorway, you and your children can stand in awe at the sheer amount of cars, Trucks and vans that are driving on it. ‘Discover Leicester’ Run an open top bus tour around all of Leicester’s tourist spots, So if you find yourself with a spare 4 minutes to kill this is a must. Many think that every single person from or connected with Leicester is tediously dull, this is not true. In fact many Lecesities are there by accident, either through work, or at her majesty’s pleasure, and are in fact very interesting. If you can find any shops in Leicester they are all very cheap.

 

Wakefield

Wakefield, Known as ‘The heart of the Rhubarb triangle’ Or the Jewell of the West Riding (Named after the large factory that makes Argos jewellery, which is located just outside of Wakefield) Is definitely the place to go if you want a cheap relaxing holiday. It has literally a few things to do. Including a large shopping centre, which is very quiet. (Unless you happen to be near the benefits office). The centre has a range of shops Including Pound land, Mothercare, and a DFS (Note, at the time of writing DFS was closing down). Once you have finished shopping, you could indulge in one of the town’s fine eatery’s including a Greggs, McDonald’s or a KFC imitation. Wakefield also boasts the largest amount of Polish off licenses in England. If you want to experience some of the local culture, you could try slobbing around all day, grunting at the TV before heading out at 8pm to throw something in the canal, a tradition the locals have followed for many years, seemingly trying to appease the god of benefit Britain. The most common sacrifices include Old TV’s, Trolleys and dead whippets.

 

Thank you for reading, I hope this has given you an idea of some cheap holiday locations, But if none of the places on the list press your buttons, Read next week for more deals.