'Lady' Adverts

Now, I've been alive for extremely close to 23 years, for exactly 100% of the years I've been Male. But like all modern men I try to be in touch with my feminine side, I struggle to reverse park out of empathy. (SISTERS!). However there are a few areas of the fairer sex I don't understand. Most of them have recently been brought to light in recent 'lady' adverts on the TV.
Number one; "Tampax pearl, with smoothest ever applicator" I understand all of the words, but not when they are all together, I mean what exactly is it that you are applicating? Polyfilla needs a an applicator, wallpaper paste needs an applicator, but this seems a step too far.
However assuming I am missing the point and whatever it is you are applicating needs a smooth applicator then what was being used before this revolutionary new smoothness was invented? Because the Gameboy advance was a revolutionary idea, but it still took a while for everyone to get one, so I can only assume there are women out there who have yet to get a 'pearl' but what are they using? Cheese graters? Sticks? Lion bars?.
Secondly "Always', new most flexible ever design" Now to my understanding these things have (for recent years anyway) always been made out of cottony/wooly sort of stuff? What can be more flexible than that? Air? So basically women are paying alot of money for air. And what is it about these products that makes it possible for women to smile happily, go roller blading and push a child on a swing? I assume its because women are no longer sticking tree bark down there undergarments.
That said advertising for women is alot more difficult than advertising for men. As proven by Gillette adverts, all men need is a series of high octane buzzwords and we'll buy it, you could advertise a toaster as 'stealth' and within months the entire male population would have one.
But despite the fact they raise more questions than answers the new 'lady products' at least mark some forward step in technology.
Unlike the village in Somerset where I've spent the last two weeks. I'm fairly sure the people their still sacrifice goats when they see a naked flame. One bloke we got talking to lost his driving license 3 times because of drink driving. I didn't even
Know you needed a license to drive a donkey. Never the less you'd have thought after the first time he'd have learnt. I can't wait till the tamagotchi phase hits the village. Then what will they sacrifice?
That said Somerset villages from the 1840's do have noticeably less fat people than Bridlington, as I discovered this morning when I attempted shopping. Aisle after aisle of smelly, inconsiderate fat people, with out of control fat, spoilt pikey kids. Kids who despite already been high on blue smarties (the under fours anyway, any of them over four where on ketamine) wanted more additive filled sweets, and they where quite willing to shout, and swear until there obese parents gave in. Refuge tends to be found in the 'whole foods' aisle, because they just look at fruit and nut with disgust, calling it 'foreign muck'. But don't spend too much time down there, or else you will end up paying over the odds for some out of date berries with some odd stuff mixed into it.